Oppian Halieutica

2003-06-15T07:07:00.000-07:00

Sorry we haven't posted here at Fishmongerwatch for a while. We've been trying to get a government grant for our infighting. So far, no luck. I blame the CIA. (Ow! Careful when you're pulling the knife out of my back, comrade!)

2003-03-30T06:42:00.000-08:00

This war is simply a diversion to take the public's attention away from the disgraceful state of the herring industry in the Orkneys! Fishmongerwatch says ACTIVISMISE NOW!

2003-03-19T04:40:00.000-08:00

This disgraceful excuse for a site demonstrates exactly what’s wrong with the world of fishmonging today and how it’s become rotten to the core after being infected by the dominant ideology of the ruling elite. Let’s deconstruct its claims:

Welcome to the home of Fishmonger ™ Seafood Distribution Software. The industry leading software application for distributors, processors, brokers, and traders since 1978.
Aha! Immediately they’ve given the game away. The industry leading software…let’s rephrase that to show its true meaning: The industry hegemonic oppressor software. That’s more like it. So it’s used by “brokers and traders”, eh? The links between the world of international finance capital and fishmongery are laid bare for all to see. 1978: a very significant year. These guys were probably funding the rise to power of history’s greatest dictator: THATCHER. Who knows? Maybe control of fish stocks was the hidden agenda behind the Falklands War. Ken Loach (good name!) should make a film about it. Plus, we have pretty good evidence from a man we met in a pub proving it was profits from the successful distribution of haddock that funded the Contras in Nicaragua…
Fishmonger ™ is fast, accurate and reliable.
What gives you the right to privilege your values over those of other cultures? Some older and wiser peoples value painfully slow, hopelessly inaccurate and dismally unreliable seafood distribution methods. For instance, the Aracaunian Indians of Chile have a proverb; “He who mongs fish fast, disrespects the past.” A too speedily delivered turbot is regarded as a grave insult to their ancestors.
Fishmonger ™ has more features and functions than any other seafood software system
Still pushing the capitalist competitive ethic over the communitarian values which used to inform the industry? It’s always more this, more that. This obsession with more, more, more will lead humankind to the abyss.
Fishmonger ™ is the ONLY software system written exclusively for the seafood industry
Exclusion and privilege are simply methods used by the ruling elite to suppress the masses. Look what happened when they tried exclusionism in Germany in the 1930s. You may say it’s only seafood distribution software, but think about where this might end…
DDD is the seafood industry leader for total software solutions: Software, Support, Training, and Customization
You see! “Total solutions”. Sound familiar? It ought to. Our anti-fascist instincts rarely let us down at Fishmongerwatch.
Fishmonger ™ runs on Windows
I don’t think there’s any need for further comment there, eh, comrades?

There’s something rotten in the state of seafood distribution software. Fishmongerwatch: bringing you the truth about the stink.

2003-03-14T05:49:00.000-08:00

Hello there. Welcome to Oppian: Halieutica, or Fishmongerwatch as you might probably call it. Lots of progressive activists have taken on the blight of the warmongers who infect the blogosphere. Oppian: Halieutica intends to do the same thing for the fishmongers out there. We will be attacking fishmonging from a radical perspective. Monging fish is an extremely reactionary activity and a great danger for our Trotskyite vision of a progressive future for our children and grandchildren. For instance, fishmonging provided the pretext for the brutal, neo-imperialistic Cod War between Great Britain and Iceland (1975-76). Certified academic Marc Herold has also calculated that five billion people in Africa are likely to die as a result of the illicit trade in mullet within the next 18.34 months. This is simply unacceptable to us as do-gooders. We intend to combat it the only way we can: with lots of overheated rhetoric and sullen scowling.

Of course we won’t only be posting on fishmonging atrocities here at Oppian: Halieutica. We also plan to engage in vicious ad hominem attacks and puerile namecalling of bloggers with better hit counts than us. Gratuitous pictures of scantily clad young ladies and random references to the Manic Street Preachers’ back catalogue will also form part of our scheme to win over the Kids to our cause.

Remember, people: MONG LOVE! NOT FISH!

(By the way, in case you were wondering, Oppian was an ancient Greek poet who wrote a long poem called Halieutica, or “The Art of Fishing”)